What destroys love? What destroys love What destroys love

Love is not a bright sun that sparkles rainbow all the time. It has both sunrises and sunsets. And the crash of planes, and explosions of planets, and falling stars... Noisy kisses of the stars, these gentle closures - they are in the sky-high heights.

Sinitsyna Irina

So, factors that can destroy even the strongest relationships.

Treason. Lost trust is very difficult to regain.

Situation at work. Working too hard, retiring, feeling tired - all this leads to stress.

Attitude to money. If one of the partners easily spends money, and the other skimps on small expenses, a conflict is inevitable.

Excessive anxiety. A person’s excessive anxiety and the methods they use to supposedly solve problems, from total rejection to crazy attachment, destroy even the strongest relationships. As a rule, the behavior of such people manifests itself as obsessiveness, coldness, inactivity and vulnerability.

Grievances. They tend to accumulate: “Why do I have to clean up your cigarette butts and candy wrappers every day?” And it went further...

Differences. Large age difference: marriage between people of different interests, different lifestyles, cultural levels - all these are hidden pitfalls that pose a threat to marriage.

Inability to restrain oneself. Reproaches and insults said in the heat of the moment always remain in the subconscious and cause offense, which leads to sad consequences.

Evil tendencies. Cruelty or drunkenness can kill the strongest feelings.

Problems in intimate life. Sexual incompatibility is a barrier that is difficult to overcome.

Untidy. Dirty nails and hair, a greasy robe or trousers - all this spoils romantic feelings and the power of beauty.

Claims and criticism. Frequent dissatisfaction with the words and actions of a partner, endless hysterics and showdowns will not lead to anything good or long-term.

Birth of a child. With the birth of a child, roles in the family are distributed in a new way. A husband may be jealous of his wife for the baby and demand the same attention to himself.

Sexual manipulation. The husband took out the trash and washed the dishes or bought a dress, which means his head doesn’t hurt. If you complimented a friend or drank beer with friends, your bed is cold. Such manipulation turns into the third person in the family... A trouble-free blonde.

Violation of personal space. An obsessive and unhealthy abundance of warmth and affection, care and attention ruins the most promising relationships. A person simply does not understand where his partner ends and his “I” begins. And this is already a loss of a person’s personality.

Inattention. If one of the partners is able to forget about the other’s birthday, if someone is regularly late for a meeting with a loved one and is inattentive to his requests, do not expect a good attitude towards yourself.

Jealousy. Trust is the foundation of a happy relationship. Eternal interrogations, attempts to control actions, phone calls and mail only cool feelings.

Snore. This is terrible - even a saint couldn’t stand it here.

Everyday problems. Uncomfortable conditions lead to a lot of troubles in relationships. For example, a woman who grew up in prosperous conditions is forced to move to her beloved in a small house without everyday amenities.

Poor financial situation. Sooner or later, a moment comes in a relationship when you realize that besides kisses, walks in the moonlight and the joy of sex, there are such things as food, clothes, household appliances, cars, travel. If there is no way for the family and future children to exist minimally, the likelihood of drama increases.

Conflicts with relatives. Frequent conflicts in the “son-in-law” and “daughter-in-law-in-law” styles are the most complex and can be of a neurotic nature, which destroys loving relationships.

Unhealthy psychological dependence. Problems begin where the husband is either the sole owner of the house or “under the thumb” of his wife. Phrases: “I can’t live without you,” “If you really love me, you won’t go fishing with your friends,” “I wish our love to last forever,” “If you leave me, I’ll die,” and etc.

Communication with former sexual partners. Conflicts are inevitable in case of chance meetings with them, communication at work or an unexpected phone call and also the mention of memories of a former passion in a conversation.

Distance. Long separations destroy memories of pleasant moments with your loved one. After all, life is not static, something is always happening in it. Simply put, real events and people crowd out the image of a loved one.

Unwillingness to include your partner in your life. Reluctance to consult in making important decisions and ignoring the interests of your partner indicates an unwillingness to build a stable and long-term relationship.

Displacement of relationships. If the first place is not the desires and needs of the partner, but work, parents or other people, then the harmony of the relationship is severely disrupted.

Suppression of inner freedom. If a partner cannot or is afraid to express his opinion, show his emotions (irritation, fun), then this indicates an inability to feel confident and free with his partner, and this, in turn, leads to disharmony in the relationship.

When I analyzed conflicts in love relationships, I was surprised at how tender and fragile love is, that its entire existence depends on such little things. Things like attitude towards money, bad tendencies, untidiness, jealousy, resentment and even snoring can break love like a dry twig. What kind of love is this??? Now I have come to the conclusion that all the conflicts and troubles in a couple, which for some reason arise every day and supposedly kill love, in fact, do not kill anything anymore. There's simply no love there! I am sure that where love reigns, there are no daily quarrels and accusations. And that with these quarrels the couple only desperately expresses dissatisfaction and burden from an unsuccessful and dead-end relationship. After all, true love overcomes and forgives everything. Loving people accept each other as they are. No claims or complaints.

Widen your heart, my dears!

Many people confuse falling in love with love, not realizing that true and strong love has yet to be achieved. And at the beginning of this journey, love is very fragile and easy to kill.

“The Wind met a beautiful Flower and fell in love with it. While he gently caressed the Flower, it responded to him with even greater love, expressed in color and aroma.

But this seemed not enough to the Wind, and he decided:

“If I give the Flower all my power and strength, then he will give me something even greater.”
And he breathed on the Flower the powerful breath of his love. But the Flower could not stand it and broke down.
The wind tried to lift him and revive him, but could not. Then he calmed down and breathed the gentle breath of love on the Flower, but it withered before our eyes.

Then the Wind shouted:

- I gave you all the power of my love, and you broke! Apparently, you didn’t have the power of love for me, which means you didn’t love! But the Flower did not answer. He died".

What kills love?

There is an opinion that love never dies. And if true love, it will endure everything. It's right. But many people confuse falling in love with love, not realizing that true and strong love has yet to be achieved. And at the beginning of this journey, love is very fragile and easy to kill.

Control kills not only love, but also all living things

Where control lives, there is no place for life. A controlling woman, without realizing it, devalues a man. She is frightened by unbridled male power, which she wants to take control of. By controlling, a woman unconsciously turns a man into a child, depriving him of her power, while feeling tired and lonely.

If a man turns out to be a tough nut to crack, then the woman takes the path of fighting him. She feels unwanted and unloved by him, only because he refuses to obey. Fight kills love. Control is the privilege of a man's world. A controlling woman cannot be happy.

Control comes from fear and self-doubt. With its appearance, trust disappears. Where there is no trust, there can be no love.

Lack of responsibility

The position is that it is your fault, love kills. If in every quarrel you look for the problem within yourself and ask the question, what is my contribution to this conflict, then you will nourish your love. If you always try to find someone to blame, then you kill not only love, but also destroy yourself.

You need to understand that only you are responsible for everything that happens in the relationship.
Your chosen one is not accidental in life. Your inner world attracted him. It reflects yourself. You can't always see this because these parts of you are usually deep in the unconscious. You have chosen your companion. In every quarrel there is a contribution from both. Don't look for someone else's share of the blame, be responsible for your part.

Lack of respect and one's own boundaries kills love and leads to disrespect for oneself and others.

If you don't feel your personal space in a relationship. You don’t understand where you begin and where the other ends. If you don’t feel yourself and your desires, you forget about your goals, then you kill love.

If you perceive your other half as your property, this leads to big problems in the relationship. Failure to respect the boundaries of another’s personal space provokes the husband to consider it his right to read the message on his wife’s phone. And the wife calmly reaches into her husband’s pocket as if it were her own.

Boundaries and their observance are very important and one of the most important rules in relationships. Respecting boundaries creates a certain distance where respect is born.
You should always remember that your family members are not your own body part, nor your arm or leg. These are completely different people from you, with their own desires, habits and inner world.

Respect is respecting the boundaries of your personal space. It includes everything - feelings, interests, work, things and even pace. Each person has his own pace and speed. Quarrels often arise due to different speeds of life. Some are fast, while others prefer to take their time.

Respect is the understanding that your partner is not your property and does not belong to you. Everyone has their own interests, desires and areas of their personal space where there is not always room for others.

The inability to ask leads to unjustified expectations, and then to resentment.

Another person cannot understand, guess, or even know what you need. Even a good mother does not always understand the needs and desires of her baby. It is a special gift to be in tune with another person. But unfortunately, few women have it. Well, there can be no talk about men here if he does not have 100% feminine energy. Don't be shy about asking a man for what you need.

Lack of patience and inability to wait kills love

If you wanted something and think that it should be received or fulfilled at this very second, then you will destroy your relationship sooner or later.

You probably don't even realize that the other person needs time to digest your request and absorb the information received. “If you don’t do this now, it means you don’t love. Why do you need time? If I loved you." You need to understand that everyone has their own speed and pace, their own desires and ideas.

Just because you want something doesn't mean that someone else is on your wavelength and wants the same thing.
A man may have his own ideas about what you want. Or he needs more time to accept your ideas. Be patient. If you can’t get what you want right away, give space time to tune in to you. Rely and trust him. Wish, accepting the probability of non-fulfillment of this desire.

Low self-esteem and self-doubt kill love

Due to the fact that there is no order in your inner world, there is no confidence in your worth, you will constantly wait for proof of love and attention to yourself. You will react sharply to the fact that a man may feel good in the company of other people. You will treat his words with great sensitivity.

Self-doubt gives rise to jealousy and anger. The need to be loved and needed becomes the main goal, which kills love. Love does not need proof, it exists, and you feel it if your soul and heart are open. And if they are closed, then you cannot feel love, so you need sharpness, evidence, strain.

You will be interested in quarrels and showdowns - this is the only way to revive your feelings. This helps to reanimate feelings, but it takes a lot of strength and energy, and you will get tired from the changes.
Love is quiet, calm and serene.

Lack of self-care and self-love

It is impossible to love another without loving yourself. Loving yourself means first of all knowing yourself completely and accepting yourself. Many people think that accepting oneself means not striving for changes, stopping and not moving. Of course not. In order to move somewhere, you need to clearly understand where you are now. Any improvements and changes are possible after the reality is accepted. Accepting yourself is seeing yourself as you really are, and not as you try to be.

You cannot improve yourself without knowing your true self.

Loving yourself means not criticizing yourself, not evaluating yourself, not comparing yourself with others, not condemning yourself. As soon as you acquire these properties of the soul, your attitude towards your chosen one will become less demanding, critical and condemning. Without accepting yourself, it is impossible to accept others.

Often behind the inability to take care of oneself is simple female laziness. When a woman begins to be lazy, stops investing time and money in herself, she stops building relationships. And love, like a drying flower that needs watering, dries up and leaves the relationship.

Only self-love gives birth to true love.

Expectations kill love

All disappointments happen for only one reason. There are ideas and expectations in your head. You imagine how a man will behave, what he will say, what he will do. And if your expectations are not met, you immediately draw the wrong conclusions. Trust the space, everything will be the best for you. By eliminating expectations, you eliminate disappointments and resentments. Don't draw pictures of how it should be.

Ideas about love kill love

Many of us have our own ideas about love. And as a rule, these ideas of love are ideal - everywhere and always together. For many people, love is associated with pleasant experiences. And you probably think that love is a lifelong honeymoon.

Any relationship begins with the desire for close intimacy. People spend a lot of time together. And it seems to them that when this period passes, it means that love has passed, and from this moment love is only born. Until this moment, there was falling in love - the first step towards love.

The resulting distance in a relationship gives you the opportunity to find yourself in it. You cannot live the way you lived before a man came into your life. Your task during this period is to find that middle ground when you are together, but do not lose yourself. Your future fate depends on the solution to this problem. Will you follow the path of love or, having killed this love, will you look for another.

The inability to communicate openly and directly creates a huge barrier to love and spiritual communication.

Very often, women, lacking self-confidence and fearing rejection, do not know how to speak directly about their feelings and desires. They prefer to explain themselves by hints. And if they gather the determination and courage to speak directly, then they cut, as they say, from the shoulder, scaring the man.

Many women think:

“What to explain to him, he still won’t understand...”
“And it’s still not clear why I was offended? It is obvious!"
“I’ve already hinted to him about this 100 times...”

Men don't understand hints. And the most interesting thing is when I ask, how would a woman like it? She doesn't even know how. A woman endows a man with magical qualities; in her mind, he should be able to read her thoughts, or even better, do it faster than she can think. Not a single person has such a device. You need to be able to talk about your feelings and desires. Learn to express yourself directly and openly.

Lack of self respect

In any communication between a man and a woman, there must be a line of communication that is understandable to both, and beyond which one should not step. Insults and humiliations kill love. Love endures quarrels, through them people come to compromises, but it does not tolerate insults and offensive, humiliating phrases.

If in a sincere conversation your chosen one opened his soul, and then in a quarrel you beat him with the revelations he said, then this kills love. The soul closes, and most often forever. No matter how angry you are, feel a boundary that you don’t need to cross. Refrain from harsh words. It’s better to calm down alone, and then express your point of view. Remember, love, despite its strength, is very fragile. And she cannot stand being treated with disrespect.

Fear of showing your negative sides at the beginning of a relationship can kill future love

By trying to show your best sides, you are “digging a hole” for yourself. If you are planning a serious and long-term relationship with a person, then it is better not to embellish yourself. Because “you can’t stand on tiptoes for a long time”, sooner or later you’ll have to put your whole foot down. When you go down on your full foot, your partner begins to feel deceived. By showing one side of yourself, you deprive your chosen one of seeing you in a real light. You are depriving him of the opportunity to truly love you. There is no need to go too far, trying to show all the negativity from the youthful protest “accept me for who I am.”
Be natural. Without embellishing your shortcomings, and without belittling your strengths.

And the most important thing that kills love is fears

Fear of loneliness leads to the fact that you will be afraid of losing a man, which means you will not be able to be yourself.

Fear of betrayal and betrayal will lead to excessive control, which will be perceived by the partner as pressure. Remember - fears create the road to action for other people. The law of the Universe - what we are afraid of and what we are running away from will come into our lives.

Work on yourself. Get rid of your fears.

Great attachment to a man, dependence of your happiness on the presence of a man in your life, the desire to dissolve in a man - kills love

Anything we attach disproportionate importance to will be destroyed in our lives.

If you attach too much importance to a man, then you will not have a worthy partner with whom you can have a long and happy relationship.

Remove the importance of a man. Get rid of emotional dependence on your partner. Become happy yourself. You must understand that no one can kill your love except yourself.

"Love doesn't die unless it's killed." And it is true. Discover the light of true unconditional love within yourself. Love, first of all, for yourself, built on respect and acceptance. published

Irina Gavrilova Dempsey

The dream of meeting your love, at least once in your life, has arisen in every person. And when it is fulfilled, it seems that life is good and now everything will be even better than before. Love will not disappear anywhere, and now every day will only bring joy. But any feeling can be destroyed, even one as strong and desired as mutual love. What can kill love?

How to kill love

It is much easier to destroy and destroy than to preserve, strengthen, and create. The first item on the list of things that can easily kill the strongest love is jealousy. Along with infidelity, jealousy is just as often a cause of divorce. Anyone who sets out to do this quickly and as painfully as possible should always be jealous of everyone and, most importantly, for no reason. Keep an eye on him, study all the gadgets, social networks, interrogate him with passion when he returns home, when you go to visit, at a party, in front of his friends and relatives. Whatever he says, no matter how hard he tries to convince you that he loves only you, don’t believe it, be offended, throw hysterics, demand proof, but let it always be small. By tracking his every step, making various assumptions, training your imagination, not trying to figure out anything, and not wanting to trust, you are heading straight to the finish line and will be the winner in the competition of who will destroy your relationship the fastest.

Similar actions on the part of members of the opposite sex will also end badly. What kind of girl can withstand constant claims, suspicions, hysterics from a man. In a couple where jealousy is off the charts, scandals do not subside, tension constantly increases, and the feeling of discomfort only intensifies.

Only neurotics can live in such an atmosphere; people with a healthy psyche, normal self-esteem, and who know how to love themselves will not tolerate this. This is not life, but some kind of thriller, where the partner is always in a bad mood, aggression is in the air, and the partner is constantly unhappy and offended. Love in such couples dies very quickly.

Love, like any other good feelings, can be destroyed by a dismissive and indifferent attitude.. What kind of love can we talk about when a man allows himself not to notice what a woman does, how she tries to make her home cozy and comfortable. And the lack of admiration and praise on the part of a woman will also not strengthen the union and will give the man a reason to think that she doesn’t care, and she doesn’t see how hard he is trying for her. Everyone needs praise and encouragement. It's nice when a loved one appreciates and notices what the other does both for himself and for him. It makes you feel needed and important. Even if he or she is a self-sufficient person, and a relationship for them is not a way to get rid of loneliness, to conform to generally accepted norms, but the love that united them, but they are also pleased when their efforts are approved.

Without kind words, attention, and caring, it is impossible to keep feelings unchanged. Love, like a living flower, needs watering and care; where this is forgotten, taking everything that happens for granted, it does not live long.

Very quickly and easily it can be destroyed with the help of humiliation and insults. And it doesn’t matter that those who have ever allowed themselves to offend a woman with a word, deed or attitude are weak people suffering from low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and do not love themselves. And in this way they are just trying to get rid of the feeling of their own insignificance, believing that this is the only way to feel better. There are no excuses for those who allow their own problems to be solved by using others, breaking their psyche, self-esteem, destroying their health and life itself.

Love can disappear even where there is no violence, but one of the partners wants from the other what he is not ready to give. A woman wants to start a family, have children, but a man is not ready. It is worth mentioning, of course, that in such a couple there is hardly any love for each other at all. Because those who love want to start a family and be together always. With children it is a little more difficult, since people who approach this issue responsibly are in no hurry to give birth if they have nothing to give to future babies. But the desire to be together is equally strong on both sides - the first sign that people are in love. And when one doesn’t want this, he is clearly not in love, and therefore is not ready.

And if the second one continues to pretend that everything is fine, hoping that something will change, then he doesn’t have any love. He does not know how to love himself, much less others. Because he puts his interests last. A woman who wants a family should better tell the man about this; if he is not ready, she either accepts it and gives up her desire, or leaves and waits to meet someone with whom she can create a strong family. The one who continues to hope, although nothing is promised to her, is, unfortunately, a neurotic who has not learned to love herself. And something needs to be done about this.

What can kill love

Treason. After the death of a loved one, betrayal is in second place in terms of its destructive impact on the human psyche. This is a severe blow to self-esteem, confidence in the future, and a sense of security, without which one cannot live normally. The violent reaction to it is connected precisely with the fear that they have betrayed and now the whole world has become hostile and dangerous. The one who was still trusted yesterday turned out to be not the person he was thought to be, and turned into a frightening stranger who can no longer be relied on, but everything was given to him. It is impossible to return love after such a blow, and if anyone tries to live on as if nothing had happened, then only those who truly rely solely on themselves and believe only in themselves. For everyone else, maintaining feelings for the one who betrayed, turning out to be a coward, will not work. Unfortunately, there are few women so confident in themselves.

Susceptibility to other people's opinions. Those who have low self-esteem, who are not confident in their own feelings, desires, opinions, always try to find a person who would help them and often in this role for both women and men the mother or girlfriends and friends act. They discuss any situations that arise in their personal lives with them, which clearly does not contribute to the preservation of the union. Who would like the fact that decisions are made not by the two of them, but by a lot of people who are more important to one of the partners than he is to himself.
Different attitude towards life, worldview, desires, plans, dreams, lifestyle. It is difficult to be together with those who do not share each other’s values, have nothing in common and expect completely different things from life. If a girl loves sports, and her boyfriend plays computer games in his free time all day long, they will not even see each other, nor will they discuss any events in life. They generally live as neighbors, and not as a couple. When people have nothing to talk about, they are not interested in what is going on with the other, love fades away. And it doesn’t matter whether they are neurotic or self-sufficient people with a healthy psyche.

Love and envy of one to another will kill. More often than not, it is the man who envy his woman’s success if he earns less than her, has less achievements in his career, or does not have his own business. And not because she is not at home, but because he is so unsure of himself that for him someone else’s success is an indicator of his own inferiority, as if the whole world revolves around him and success is something definite that is easy to evaluate and understand . Everyone has it, but insecure people believe that it is expressed exclusively in money and if someone has more of it, then they are now a loser.

Any rude or harsh words can kill love., attempts to intimidate, force one to obey, give up one’s opinion, prohibitions and restrictions, humiliation, criticism.
Violence in any form, physical or moral, is a direct path to separation and the emergence of hatred. No one is able to forgive another: humiliation, violence, the feeling of helplessness that he or she caused by his or her behavior. This is not forgotten, the pain is dulled, you can experience it and let it go so that it does not interfere with life, but there can be no talk of any good feelings or love.

True love gives joy, it inspires, fills with energy and strength, it can handle anything. But she also needs attention and care. So that it does not fade away, it needs care, a good mood, attention and affection, trust and confidence, a common outlook on life and the desire to take care of each other, protect and delight. Then nothing can kill her for sure.

Surely you know exactly the answer to this question, because you have already watched dozens of melodramas and re-read all kinds of romance novels that glorify this wonderful feeling. But, unfortunately, romantic stories from books and films have very little in common with reality.

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Let's look at the most common myths about love that you should get rid of as soon as possible if you really want to build a strong relationship with your boyfriend.

True love is forever

If you have met your love, it's amazing. You feel good together, and it seems to you that this relationship will last a lifetime, no matter what! But in fact, any relationship, even the strongest at first glance, can quickly fade away if you take love for granted. Because in this case, the magic of this feeling quickly disappears, love itself develops into a habit, and later into indifference. This happens because we believe that we have one half that will not go away from us. This myth brings a lot of suffering, because feelings need to be protected and warmed up. Otherwise, you might just grow cold towards each other.

Opposites attract

No no and one more time no! No matter how much you tell yourself that you dream of meeting new interesting strangers, trembling in your knees, as a rule, begins only when you meet your soul mate. Similarities still attract, although for some reason everyone is trying to prove the opposite using the example of “an excellent student and a bad boy.” But in fact, we all subconsciously choose a partner with the same interests and life positions as ours. We are not attracted to opposites, but rather to our “mirror twins,” whose personal qualities will complement our own rather than contradict them.

Lovers are always inseparable

Many people think that if we want to spend time apart at least sometimes, this means that we love less. This is a big misconception. Think about what it would be like for you to eat only your favorite food. Only them, and nothing else. Yes, you probably, if you wouldn’t hate him, would certainly stop loving him after some time. It’s the same in love: to maintain your feelings, you need pauses and switches to something else. The most pleasant and exciting meetings happen just after a long separation. Let him go camping for a few days with friends, and let yourself have a fun weekend with your girlfriends. The moment of meeting will be special;)

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Lovers have no secrets from each other

Do you really think that people in a couple shouldn't have any secrets? Are you ready to tell your guy everything, down to the smallest detail? Do you think your lover will actually enjoy stories about ex-boyfriends or your girlfriend's new purse? We think that you wouldn’t like to listen to stories about his adventures, because the details of your past relationships and your boyfriend’s relationships should not interfere with your story.

Lovers are always happy together

Remember that no person is physically and psychologically capable of being happy all the time. The presence of a guy does not at all guarantee boundless happiness. Euphoria and a good mood next to him are the first signs of romantic love, which has little to do with true feeling. When you truly love, you feel good and calm next to your chosen one, but this does not mean that you will always feel good together. Problems of everyday life often interfere with relationships, unfortunately. The only question is, can you stay together despite all the difficulties?

If he doesn't talk about his feelings, it means he doesn't love

And where do you get these assumptions from? Believe me, this in no way means that he has lost interest in you. Besides, it’s not his words that make a guy beautiful, but his actions. Therefore, on the contrary, you need to be wary of those who incessantly talk about how they are in love and promise the moon from the sky. The fact is that guys are much more restrained in their feelings than we are, especially in public. Yes, he can spend hours analyzing a football match, but is completely lost in matters of romance. Feelings are an area where guys consider themselves incompetent. Therefore, do not demand from him a detailed story about his feelings, it is better to let him look after you and show his concern.

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Love is a constant passion

It's stupid to associate true love with passion! Attraction to a guy depends on many factors, and even the most ardent lovers can experience some cooling in the relationship from time to time. Relationships aren't just about passion; you can spend quality time doing other interesting activities: having a nice conversation, going to the cinema or a cafe. Sometimes a simple heart-to-heart conversation brings people together much stronger than anything else.