What to do if your child doesn’t clean up after himself? Consultation for parents "What to do if a child does not want to put away his toys?" Take away your toys

Not a psychologist, a mother of small children, a former teenager who may not have been a jerk, but didn’t clean up after himself.

About mistakes (pmsm): Comparing with yourself-sister-girlfriend is definitely a mistake (well, clean it up yourself-sister-live with your girlfriend-I’m a nonentity). My whole family put things on my desk. In piles and piles. Books, socks, toys, all the things (and other people's ones too) that were lying around the house. It was absolutely useless - cleaning took place only when the notebook no longer fit on the huge table. But I was very proud of the fact that I knew exactly what exactly it was, where it was, and could painlessly fish out the necessary notebook from the pile :) By the way, I studied with excellent marks. Sometimes my father would sweep off the table with his hand, everything that was piled there indiscriminately, some fragile, some not, onto the floor. She took it away out of despair, but the resentment was universal. And the feeling of invasion of personal space offended. By the way, my father also always had a mess in his things. There was a lot of criticism for the poor quality of cleaning (specks on the floor!!!). After that, I didn’t feel like cleaning at all (why clean if they scold me anyway?), I preferred to go to the store or wash the dishes. But when I started cleaning (rarely, but accurately) - the living envied the dead. I took out all my things and sorted them out from morning to night. Clothes fell into the wardrobe in a heap. Reminder notes were ignored - I said that I had forgotten or could not understand the handwriting. And my sister cleaned up perfectly. But she studied worse than me, so she got the same punishment, but on a different topic. And in my memories all my mother did was clean, iron, and cook. But this did not delight, did not evoke a feeling of gratitude, but only irritation. And the complaints were surprising - if you don’t want to, don’t do it, no one is forcing you. After moving away from their parents, by the way, they didn’t get clean.

Now I live separately from my parents, I can do cleaning, I can do it well, I can do it a little. But more often, without fanaticism, when there is a shortage of time, I prefer to read a book to the children and play. And by my mother's standards, I think I'm a mess. And her coming to visit stresses me out, because I don’t feel comfortable around her and before her arrival I specially clean up.

I think we need to figure out what your girl’s problem is. If you don’t know how to clean, if you don’t feel like you can please you, you’re not born with this skill. If it’s due to disorganization, ritualize it with reference to the regime (every day before going to bed we put things in their places, at first even together). If she absolutely hates cleaning, discuss with her what household chores she would do with greater zeal. You can set up watches. Reduce the pressure - remember that she is a child - we don’t tell the baby not to touch the crystal vase, we put it on the mezzanine and that’s it. If you take the TV into the kitchen, the crumbs will be there. Make the rules general - no one (and mom too!) should not eat in bed. Praise for the fact of cleaning, but do not criticize for the quality. Take a break and stop blaming the mess for a while. When my son was two and a half! year, we once walked for several days on an even layer of construction material, pricking our feet. Then the son said that somehow we didn’t have everything cleaned up, and he collected everything himself. It is impossible to define more clearly the boundaries of “no”, other people’s personal spaces (you don’t crumble in my bed, I don’t crumble in yours). Well, I would probably crumble it once out of hooliganism :)

Look for the book Time Management for Children by Marianna Lukashenko, it helps you organize yourself and your child.

“I’m so tired of this! Every day the same thing! Now collect your toys!” Common situation? Becauseteach your child to clean up toys after themselves without nerves?

Of course, you need to teach your child to clean up after themselves. But now you will find out how to do this cunningly, without children’s whims, hysterics and nervous expenses on the part of parents.

Simple rules

How to get a child to put away toys? Remember, no methods and techniques will help teach the “little slob” to order if the four rules are not followed.

Begin with yourself

Children copy adults from an early age. If parents do not put clothes in the closet, books on the shelves, or leave food on the table, the child will repeat their behavior. And vice versa.

Be persistent

No matter how the baby refuses, he will have to clean up after himself. There will be no cartoons, sweets or walks until the toys are in place. Let your child understand this.

Nurture regularly

If you decide to teach order, do it daily. Educate times or two a week won't work. There will be no result!

Don't force, don't scold or shout!

Violent methods discourage the desire to help, but you need to instill it.

The child does not want to put away his toys - what to do?

How to teach a child to clean up his toys? All you need is a positive attitude. Few parents know, but young children are easily charged with positive emotions. And if the baby is in high spirits, it is easier to come to an agreement with him.

Everyone go home

Create houses for toys. This makes it easier for the baby to navigate the room. For example, dolls will live in a closet, cars in a garage, a construction set in a box. Even better, boxes and storage areas for stuffed animals can be turned into colorful homes. Cover the construction box with colored paper, draw windows, and make a triangular roof out of cardboard. Designate garages for cars, sew soft pillows into a house for dolls. A little creativity and your little one will find himself in the land of toys. And here there is a rule - after the game, everyone should go home.

Who is faster?

If the “capricious” categorically refuses to restore order, offer him a competition “Who will collect the most?” or “Who is faster?” You will need two boxes for two participants, or divide the cleaning area in half. On command, mother and child begin to collect toys into boxes, or everyone cleans their own territory. Prize for the winner!

Let's play

You can ask your child to “Collect according to the characteristics”: soft - hard, large - small. Small toys should be placed in one box, large ones in another. You can sort by size, by family, who is friends with whom, etc.

Fabulous cleaning

Fairy-tale characters will come to help mom. Attach wings to the baby's back and she will turn into a fairy who brings order to fairyland. For boys, a toy dump truck, a rocket cop or a cleaning robot will be more suitable. He will save the world from chaos. Please note that the child does not clean up, he plays.

Toy station

A game for two: the baby is the locomotive, the mother is the announcer. The adult notifies:
- The locomotive departs from the “Cleaning” station. The next one is a military station.
The child collects the toy soldiers in a box and moves further around the room. Next, the station of constructors, cars, rubber and plush animals, etc. is notified.
After all the items have been collected, the locomotive can go to refueling - to eat or to the garage - to bed.

Ritual

One way to instill a positive habit in your child is to introduce a “Cleaning Up” ritual. The “sacred ceremony” is held at a certain time, with reference to specific regime moments. For example, before a walk, lunch, bedtime. When sending dolls to sleep in houses, cars in the garage, hum a funny song or lullaby. At first, the adult asks the child for help. Then the ritual is supported by both parent and child. Over time, the adult’s help is reduced, and the “sacrament” of cleaning is transferred to the youngest.

Tricky tale

Tell your little one a story about how toys get upset when people forget about them and don’t put them away in their houses. Offended, they go to fairyland. The next time your baby doesn’t put the toys away, hide one or more of them. Including my favorite one. Having noticed something missing, the child will start looking for it. Say she's gone. You could write a letter to Fairyland and ask to return, but in return you must promise to put it back in its place.
General cleaning is announced! Play some fun music. All residents participate. For each such “general”, participants accumulate points, which are then exchanged for a prize. Agree in advance how many points you need to collect.

Teach your child order from early childhood. Then by the age of four he will have already developed a strong habit.
To make it easier for your child to clean up, adjust the number of toys. Hide some of them in a distant drawer and periodically change places. Get rid of broken, unnecessary and uninteresting items in a timely manner.
Don't forget to praise. Sometimes just the parent’s praise is enough for the baby to develop a desire to maintain order.
Choose a time to clean before your baby gets tired, wants to sleep and starts acting up.
From an early age, support the little person’s desire to help adults. Don't let broken dishes and spilled tea scare you. And under no circumstances should you scold him for this. After all, he tried, he cleaned up. This small sacrifice will be fully compensated in the future.
Be patient. Yes, it’s hard, yes, it’s difficult, but only with patience and perseverance you will achieve a positive result.
Get used to it gradually. It’s hard for a little baby to collect all the toys, so mom helps. The older the child, the less help from an adult.
Don't get used to prizes. You can involve your child in cleaning for a reward only at the beginning. In the future, let the reward be a fairy tale, a cartoon, a walk. Ultimately, the main reward will be praise.
Don't demand perfect cleaning. While the child is small, it is enough that he puts everything in its place. Over time, begin to draw his attention to the fact that toys do not like it when they are laid out sloppily. Describe and show specifically how to place items correctly.

What you should absolutely not do:

Force.
Scream.
Do for the child.
To leave without encouragement is praise.

Dear parents! Remember: no matter how the child behaves, you are smarter and more cunning than him.

How many families, so many opinions. Some families categorically believe that the child should clean up scattered things and toys, and it cannot be any other way. There are families who allow their child to play wherever he wants, with whatever he wants, and not clean up the playing field after himself. And there are families who have not decided. And time after time they change their tactics.

How many families, so many opinions. And only you can decide how you want to raise your baby.

If you decide to instill neatness and a sense of order in your child, then you should decide at what age you are going to do this, and how the upbringing will take place.

If the parents nevertheless made such a decision, then for its successful implementation, I have selected some basic recommendations for you.

The request should be expressed in a friendly tone. This is not an order or a punishment. Cleaning up can be a great end game.

If your baby is too young to understand what is happening and cannot clean on his own, do the cleaning together, together with your child.

It is important to say out loud what things you are putting and where, what box you are putting the construction set in, and why you are doing these actions.

This stage is long and labor-intensive. But if you carry out this cleaning “procedure” every time, observing goodwill, the baby will soon understand everything himself and will clean without your full help.

Remember the baby grows from your example. A child cannot develop the habit of putting things away if you do not take care of yourself and your things.

You leave clothes, books, dishes without cleaning. And soon the baby will understand that this is the way it should be, there is no need to clean up after yourself if mom and dad don’t do that.

Let's help the baby clean up by marking the boxes in which the toys are stored.

For example, on the box in which the dolls are stored, stick a picture of a beautiful princess. On a bag with Lego or a construction set, we will depict what your child most often does with this toy.

Follow your baby's directions. The child will get tremendous pleasure from this! And during the game you will find out how the baby reacts to your requests!

You should not leave cleaning until the evening, especially if it causes negative feelings for both the baby and you.

But there is one “but”.

If cleaning symbolizes the baby's going to bed with his favorite toys, and is for the child a ritual of his own falling asleep, then, naturally, you clean before falling asleep.

If the cleaning rule is firm for you, then your child should know about it. Tell your child that you will tell him a fairy tale or sculpt with him only in a clean and tidy room.

Also, the child must understand that this is a rule for the whole family. Otherwise, you seem to be deceiving him. You ask him for one thing, but you don’t do it yourself.

Also, refuse the ultimatum “If you don’t put away the toys, then I won’t tell you a story.” The baby understands this statement to mean that every day he should earn the affection of his parents.

Summary.

What to do if a child does not clean up his toys?

Agree with yourself whether you need it.
You are an example. The baby will not want to do the cleaning if he sees that adults are not doing it.
Make cleaning a team game.
When you put children’s toys in order, explain to your child why you are doing this, where you put the toys, etc.
Cleaning is not an order or a punishment. This is your kind request.
Label boxes and drawers according to their purpose and contents.
Try to demand from your child according to his age and strength.
The most enjoyable activity is playing. Make cleaning a fun game!
If necessary, cleaning can be a pre-bed ritual.

Enjoy growing up!

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WHAT TO DO IF A CHILD DOESN’T WANT TO PICK UP THE TOYS.

Of course, each family has its own characteristics and habits. Of course, it is up to you to decide whether to teach your child to be neat and orderly, and if so, how and from what age. But if you have already decided to teach your child to clean up his toys, then you will achieve success faster if you follow a few simple rules.

First of all, the request to remove the toys should sound friendly. Cleaning should not be a punishment; it is advisable that it become the final part of the game.

If the baby is still so small that he does not understand the meaning of what is happening and is not ready to fulfill your demands, start putting away the toys with him, being sure to say out loud what exactly you are putting away, where and why. If such joint work is carried out systematically, every evening, in a friendly atmosphere, the child will soon learn to do it independently.

In addition, your child most likely will not develop the habit of putting away toys if you yourself do not clean up your things every day: clothes, shoes, books, newspapers, jewelry. Then things scattered around the apartment will become a common occurrence for him. After all, a characteristic feature of a young child is imitation...

To make the cleaning process easier for your baby, you can use markings on boxes or shelves. For example, you can draw cars on a box in which cars are stored, draw a ball on a bag of balls, etc. Nikitin B.P. (St. Petersburg, 1998) advises, in order to make it easier to put the cubes in a box, at the bottom of it, put a sheet with markings on where and how to put the cubes (the markings can be either black and white or color). Of course, in this case it is necessary to take into account the age and capabilities of the child.

If you have the necessary time and patience for this, you can turn cleaning up toys into an entertaining game. The chapter “Games for Parents and Children” describes one of them (“Help Mom”). You can invite your child to switch roles. Let him be the mother, and you the daughter or son. Start cleaning up toys according to your new roles. The child will enjoy this, and you will receive information about how your baby perceives you and your requests (or orders).

Do not leave the activity of cleaning up toys until late in the evening if it provokes negative emotions in both you and the child. If cleaning turns into saying goodbye to toys, putting them to bed and becomes a necessary ritual for the baby, then, of course, you should do this immediately before bed.

If you yourself believe that cleanliness and order in the house are necessary, then firmly introduce the rule of putting away toys after yourself. Let your child know that you will read a book to him or draw with him only in a clean room. But the child must know that this is a rule for all family members. If you present your child with an ultimatum: if you put away the toys, I’ll read to you, if you don’t put them away, I won’t, then the baby will most likely conclude that mom or dad’s love and attention must be “earned” every day.

SO:

IF A CHILD DOES NOT WANT TO PICK UP AFTER HIS TOYS:

1. Decide firmly for yourself whether this is necessary

2. Be an example for your child, clean up after yourself

3. Put away toys with your baby

4. When putting away toys, talk to your child and explain to him the meaning of what is happening.

5. Formulate your request to remove toys in a friendly manner. Don't give orders.

6.Use markings and diagrams.

7. Consider the age and capabilities of the child.

8.Come up with an interesting game to make cleaning desirable for your baby.

9.Make cleaning up toys a ritual before putting your child to bed.

Many parents do not want to put up with this situation when children, after playing with toys, then refuse to put them away. Some parents believe that a child can do whatever he wants, and adults should provide him with freedom in everything and should not force the child to do anything. Of course, each family has its own characteristics and habits. Of course, it is up to you to decide whether to teach your child to be neat and tidy, and if so, how and from what age. But if you have already decided to teach your child to clean up his toys, you will achieve success faster if you follow a few simple rules.

First of all, the request to remove the toys should sound friendly. Cleaning should not be a punishment; it is advisable that it become the final part of the game.

To make the cleaning process easier for your child, you can use markings on boxes or shelves. For example, you can draw cars on a box in which cars are stored, draw a ball on a bag of balls, etc.

If you have the time and patience required for this, you can turn cleaning up toys into an entertaining game. You can invite your child to switch roles. Let him be the mother, and you the daughter or son. Start cleaning up toys according to your new roles. The child will enjoy this, and you will receive information about how the baby perceives you and your requests (or orders).

Do not leave the toy cleaning event until late in the evening if it provokes negative emotions in both you and the child. If cleaning turns into saying goodbye to toys, putting them to bed and becomes a necessary ritual for the baby, then, of course, you should do this immediately before bed.

If you yourself believe that cleanliness and order in the house are necessary, then firmly introduce the rule of putting away toys after yourself. Let your child know that you will only read a book or draw with him in a clean room. But the child must know that this is a rule for all family members. If you present your child with an ultimatum: if you put away the toys, I’ll read to you, if you don’t put them away, I won’t, then the baby will most likely conclude that mom or dad’s love and attention must be “earned” every day.

SO, if a child does not want to put away his toys:

1. Decide firmly for yourself whether this is necessary.

2. Be an example for your child and clean up after yourself.

3. Put away toys with your baby.

4. When putting away toys, talk to your child and explain to him the meaning of what is happening.

5. Formulate your request to remove toys in a friendly manner. Don't give orders.

6. Use markings and diagrams on boxes and toy boxes.

7. Consider the age and capabilities of the child.

8. Come up with an interesting game to make cleaning desirable for your baby.

9. Make cleaning up toys a ritual before putting your child to bed.