Rule of three T. Reaction at the subject level - “Rule of three T. Fundamentals of design: rule of three in decor

1st level. Stopping confrontation: the rule of the three Ts.
When the conversation deviates from the main topic, the participants' previously outlined goal remains aside. Mutual attacks and verbal attacks begin. Then use the three T rule:
Three Ts mean: Touch - Turn - Talk (Touch (English) - touch (any topic), turn (English) - translate (conversation), talk (English) - talk)

1) Touch: immediately state that this topic is not the main one and its discussion does not lead to the intended goal.
2) Turn: state the main theme.
3) Talk: continue to develop the main topic in order to refocus the main attention on it.
Examples
Touch - “Please don’t stray from the main topic. We have a central subject of conversation.”
Turn - “So, our topic is problems with selling product XYZ.”
Talk - “I have already named the factors influencing the sales of our products. Question: how and in what time frame do you intend to change the situation?”

2nd level. Suppressing emotional confrontation: the emotional “yellow card.”
Despite your intervention, the conversation remains as unconstructive as before. Pointless polemic continues, the main topic is obscured by many secondary ones.
Sit back and ask your interlocutor: “What exactly are you saying all this for?!”
Usually, in response to such a question, a person makes excuses or tries to explain his actions, and in 90% of cases he finally begins to speak to the point.
A tougher option: “What exactly are you saying all this for?!” This has nothing to do with our topic. Finally, return to the main question!”

3rd level. Suppressing confrontation in the metaplane.
A conversation or discussion reaches a boiling point. You are required to take decisive action and put an end to further escalation of tensions. Your actions: transition to the metaplane.
The metaplane is the area above the business and emotional planes that you enter in order to make your interlocutor and his actions the main topic of conversation.
Quickly establish feedback for yourself about the behavior of your interlocutor and what he says.
Traditional Feedback Framework: What do I see and hear? How does this affect me? What do I want?
This traditional scheme, built on questions to oneself (I), is too harmless and misses the mark - forget about it!
The new feedback scheme is interlocutor-oriented and openly conflictual. Of course, it is difficult to decide on open confrontation, but still.
Now questions and comments are addressed to the interlocutor (YOU or YOU).
The old template “I’m okay, you’re okay, and our conversation is also okay” is no longer relevant. Behavior of the interlocutor; it doesn't suit you. Tell him about it.

Example:
“You are making unnecessary problems out of thin air and polemicizing too much.
Your behavior is destructive and makes it impossible to achieve our goal.
Speak to the point, otherwise I will be forced to interrupt our conversation!”

Do you doubt whether you have the courage to do this? Then speak in the first person plural (WE), and your words will sound less harsh.

Example:
“We are wasting time on mutual reproaches and accusations. So we will never agree. Let's stay on topic!"
But: messages in the first person plural are effective only if the interlocutor is really interested in the result.

I often say: luck doesn’t like sweaty people. This expression goes down with a bang among small losers who are permanently waiting for their winning lottery ticket, which they did not even bother to buy.

Fortune doesn't like sweaty people. This is true. Or rather, that flirtatious half of her, who does not want to show everyone around her the smell of her sweat. We always want to attract, don't we? We shower, use antiperspirants, and smell Chanel as if it were our natural scent. The same thing happens with success. We want to demonstrate the elegance of our victories. Pushkin wrote as he breathed. Easy and relaxed. His poetic (and prosaic) speech flows like the murmur of a spring stream. But those who have seen the poet’s drafts know what effort and sleepless nights this ease was worth.

Elegant victories beckon. I know how many envy the hardcovers of my books, coated paper and two-color printing, theatrical productions, collections of poetry, creative evenings, and television broadcasts. But at the same time (and I’m absolutely sure of what I’m saying) no one envies the sixteen hours a day that I spend at the computer when I’m urgently writing another book. They might even envy the stylish frames of my glasses. But no one will envy my diopters. Men who are eager to get to know me often worry that we are separated by the TV screen: I am on one side, they are on the other. It never occurs to anyone that you can see me in a supermarket or pharmacy where they sell corsets that support the spine during long sedentary work. And hardly anyone can imagine that in the company of my friends we often discuss immunomodulators that increase performance.

Success has a different side. And she smells like sweat. Success has calloused buttocks because success requires the three Ts - patience, hard work and talent. These are the feathers for your wings.

Luck doesn’t like sweaty people - one flirty side of the coin. Success smells like sweat - the other side. And also flirty. Because if you have truly achieved success, then your sweat is perfectly washed away by the waves of the Red or Mediterranean Seas, a good massage therapist relaxes tired shoulders, aromatherapy from your favorite smells of Chanel, money, expensive cognacs and other attributes of success allows you to breathe deeply.

Don't complain about the lack of time - you have as many hours in your day as Einstein, Gates and Soros.

Success is like breathing. That is, constantly. Daily. It gets worse every minute. Every second. And all this work of the “lungs” of success should be organized at the level of your unconditioned reflexes. You don't forget that you need to breathe, do you? Don't you remind yourself of this? Taking a vacation to relax a little and take your breath away?

Success is a race. Who needs? For what? This question is no longer asked. This is simply an internal physiological need. And then you want fame and money - the attributes of success. And blood constantly flows to the head and heart.

You can't be successful twice a week or on Tuesdays. Otherwise, it will turn out like in the ad: “A handsome man in the prime of his life is looking for romantic, selfless, pure and great love. Once a month".

Success is libido. And not only sexual. This is libido in the broad sense of the word. Libido as expansion in all areas. Success is a campaign of conquest. Plant a tree, build a house, raise a son. More women - beautiful and smart, more money - in different currencies, more cars, more areas of application of your talents.

The inner leads to the outer. A successful person is harmonious. He finds time for sports, travel, books, premieres, sex, raising children and in general for everything that interests him in any way.

This is surprising, but true: the more successful a person is, the more achievements he has in different areas. And the family is strong, and the children, and the business. And all because other people are drawn to a successful person like plants to the sun. They reach out and are ready to share his life with him. And we get life as a package – both joys and sorrows. Only a successful person approaches his trials more easily, more simply than others, with humor. A successful person knows for sure that the Universe sends him minor troubles to protect him from major disasters. And he gets into bigger troubles in order to awaken for spiritual development. But a successful person doesn’t have problems, well, really big ones, because he treats all problems as tasks. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about.

Success is an internal state. Self-awareness of being successful. There is no other criterion for success other than your own good mood, other than your internal sensors tuned to joy and happiness.

Sometimes it’s like a joke.

– How to become a successful person?

– Did you go to the toilet today?

- Successfully?

And sometimes it’s completely different...

I have a developed nose for writing; I collect stories of pain and overcoming it. Among my clients, friends and acquaintances there are such unique specimens that they take your breath away.

My friend Artem Tolstobrov, completely blind since childhood, not only entered the law faculty of KSU, not only was he the best student during his studies and graduated from the university with honors, he also became a popular bard in Krasnoyarsk, and works in the city administration, and travels, and in “What? Where? When?" plays. And most importantly, he is always in a good mood. And he knows for sure that getting to the store on his own using a new route is a success. Such success that you never dreamed of! Search for this name in Yandex. Read, think...

Every time I feel bad, I think about VAK. That a person receives 90% of information about the world around him through visual contact. I think about my blind friends, among whom there are singers, composers, massage therapists, simply talented and, most importantly, HAPPY people. And I begin to enjoy simple things - the sun that I can see, the flowers that I can smell, the steps that I can take and that do not have to be counted.

Learn to appreciate simple things!

One of my friends - a major businessman, the owner of a construction company - five years ago, recklessly not taking into account someone's bureaucratic interests, ended up behind bars. And this “eagle raised in captivity” in the prime of life does not lose heart for a minute: he is constantly concerned about how to support loved ones, friends and relatives, how to develop vigorous activity, how to help them while he is not free. In no situation can he feel weak, or even admit the idea that he can whine and complain about fate. He often says:

– Don’t complain about fate, perhaps she wasn’t very lucky with you either.

And all this time in prison he reads, learns English, plays sports, writes letters, meditates and opens up to the Universe for spiritual awakening and development.

He doesn’t complain, and one might think that he is not in a maximum security colony, but in a sanatorium. But this is as untrue as the fact that luck does not like sweaty people. But the truth is that his point of view is set in such a way that he perceives every day of his life as an amazing gift, like life in any form.

At the children's oncology center, I lead a therapeutic group for parents whose children have cancer. I often come to creative events at the cancer center. At the presentation of children's books, at exhibitions, at children's concerts. Children read their poems, sing their songs, and draw. All works are about love. And almost everything is about the love of life. How amazing it is: life pampers us, but we complain about it, we are constantly dissatisfied with something. And for some people life doesn’t pat them on the head, it tests them, but something is revealed such that people appreciate every minute of such a difficult life. Lives with character... People with character... With will... and with love.

I love strong people. I value stories of overcoming. I learn from such people to love life.

I'm looking for these stories. And they are everywhere. They are with me all the time. They enter my life, permeate its fabric, become firmly attached to it and become part of me.

This is the title of a book by Viktor Frankl, a doctor who survived a concentration camp in Nazi Germany. In addition to constant humiliation, hunger, cold and other hardships, he could be threatened with a gas chamber at any moment. He lost all his property in the camp on the first day. But the main thing is that his scientific work, the meaning of his whole life, was destroyed there. And even in such terrible conditions, he did not lose optimism and will.

A person who survived among all this, who endured hunger and disease, who knew humiliation and felt the taste of death on his lips, would wisely forget the nightmare he experienced and block the files of horror in his memory. But Viktor Frankl understood that there are no victories and defeats, there is only a unique individual experience. And he shared this experience with the world. Having been released in 1945 and learning that his entire family had died, he did not break down. Over the next five years, he published a dozen books in which he outlined his philosophical teachings, psychological theory of personality and psychotherapeutic methodology, based on the idea of ​​a person’s desire for meaning.

Writers often justify their laziness by saying that words need to be “sitting,” which is why mediocre novels take years to write. At such moments I remember Viktor Frankl. His book, Man's Search for Meaning, was written in nine days! And then it was published and... translated into 24 languages ​​and... sold more than 9 million copies. It was named one of the ten most influential books by the Library of Congress.

A psychiatrist who has endured such unimaginable conditions is a person worth listening to. He, perhaps more than anyone else, is able to look at a person with wisdom, understanding and compassion.

Frankl is a world celebrity. You can't argue with that. Thirty-one of his books have been translated into several dozen languages. Many eminent people have been honored to meet him, from philosophers such as Karl Jaspers and Martin Heidegger to political and religious leaders such as Pope Paul VI and Hillary Clinton.

Frankl did not teach success as such, did not develop behavioral models that lead to fame, wealth or happiness, he turned to the search for the meaning of life. He built a psychological theory of meaning and a philosophy of man based on it. His teaching is called logotherapy. Frankl opened the eyes of millions of people to the possibilities of discovering meaning in their own lives. In a few words it sounds like this: the meaning of life is the meaning that you give to it. But to understand the full depth of this simple phrase, I strongly recommend that you read this book.

The desire for meaning helps a person survive, and it (like the other side of the coin) leads to the decision to die (if meaning is found in this). The desire for meaning helps to endure the inhuman conditions of a concentration camp and withstand the test of copper pipes - fame, wealth and honor. Viktor Frankl passed both tests. Inside these scissors of fate, he remained a Man with a capital M, testing the effectiveness of his own theory on himself and proving that a person is worth believing in. “Each time requires its own psychotherapy,” he wrote. He managed to find the nerve of his time, his era, that request of people that had not found an answer before him - the problem of meaning - and, based on his life experience, find very simple words about the main thing...

“We must not forget that we can find the meaning of life even when we are in a hopeless situation, at the mercy of fate, which cannot be changed. It is then that the opportunity is given to show qualities that only a person is capable of - to turn personal tragedy into triumph, to turn the verdict of fate into a feat. When we are no longer able to change a situation, such as a terminal illness, we are required to change ourselves,” is what Frankl says about meaning.

“Stubbornness of spirit” is his own formula. From his point of view, only thanks to “stubbornness” does a person become a Human and reach heights – internal and external.

Here is a simple (and so difficult to implement) secret of success.

Do you know why I became a writer? In a global sense, because I imagined that I had something to say to the world. And in the utilitarian sense, because I don’t want to get up early in the morning and go to work at nine every single day, depending on the mood of my tyrant boss and colleagues with PMS. In short, this convict mechanism from nine to six kills and oppresses me. I tried it. At the beginning of a creative journey. It does not suit me. I am a freedom-loving and sleep-loving bird. I want to get enough sleep. And I want a lot more. And I can afford it. Because I decided so. No other reasons are needed.

My friend director Sergei Kulikovsky often says:

– The director is doing an excellent job: in the evening you drink, have small talk with smart people, in the morning you wake up with a sore head and slowly come to the theater at eleven for a rehearsal, yell at the actors, force them to implement your vaguely expressed creative idea, smoke nervously, drink coffee, at two you go home to sleep, because in the evening you need to go to the theater to look at your brilliant work, hear the sobs of especially sensitive spectators in the third row, then the applause at the end, then the grateful actors will kiss you, and again there is a banquet. At first I was an actor. It's also a good profession. But there I had to learn the text, so I went into directing. Easier.

Sergei is ironic from the position of “luck doesn’t like sweaty people.” Nevertheless, there is some truth in his reasoning. And it lies in a simple formula: “Do what you like so that others will like it.” He can do it.

This is a real success. And it is true.

Working a lot with cancer patients, I came to the conclusion that adults get cancer for one reason: they do not know how to live for themselves. They always live for someone, for the sake of someone. For children, for the husband, for the dacha, for work... Then the children grow up and go free, the husband takes a mistress or gets divorced, there is a fire at the dacha, and they are laid off from work or retirement comes unexpectedly. And here, it would seem, live and rejoice, start all over again for YOURSELF. But it doesn’t work. There is no such model of behavior in consciousness. If not, then the self-destruction program starts. If no one needs a person (and most importantly, he doesn’t need himself), then he is a spent mechanism and needs to be scrapped. Cancer copes well with this task. Scary but true.

So sometimes it happens that learning to live for yourself is a much more difficult task than earning a million.

So, learn to live for yourself. This is the secret of success.

This is new and, like everything new, scary. It might even be your first time. But remember, not every first time disappointed you. There were also amazing meetings, unexpected turns, sensations of flight... Your task is to walk down the street in the spring in a month, a quarter, or at least a year, slightly waving a folder with business papers, not to rush anywhere, smile and suddenly think: but I don’t remember , when was the last time I had experiences, tears of melancholy, when I was a victim... I don’t remember how to be a victim!

This doesn't mean you will stop being sad. As long as you are alive, you will be filled with different emotions. But now there will always be light in them. Light of love.

Learning to live for yourself is your homework. The exercise you should do after reading this book. Because there is nothing more important in a person’s life than living... for oneself, naturally.

How to learn to live for yourself?

1. Write a wish-list of your(!) desires.

Make notes of sensations next to them. If it’s difficult to cope with the task, you should first read Eric-Emmanuel Schmitt’s story “Oscar and the Pink Lady.” Imagine that you have ten days left to live... What will you do? What do you ask God for yourself? And remember that God is not Santa Claus, he does not give candy or a teddy bear. God gives gifts of spiritual content - patience, love, joy.

2. Start calibrating the world, life, all events through the body.

After all consciousness and body are a single cybernetic system. And the body, as you know, doesn’t lie. Never! The body only signals to you that your behavior is correct. If the body is happy, you are on the right track. If the body is sick, you have lost your way, and it is unhappy. The body speaks to you in the language of pain. It doesn't know any other language.

3. Start finding moments in life to enjoy the process. And concentrate on these pleasant sensations - touches, sounds, pictures...

There are thousands of ways to enjoy simple things: the snow is melting, the wind is fresh, buds have appeared on the trees, the birds are singing... We bought a new cream - isn’t that a reason for joy? How pleasant your skin feels after using it! When getting out of the shower, try applying cream to damp skin... It smells so wonderful... The aroma of coffee in the morning... And the view from the window... Wonderful Moscow skyscrapers... like boxes in a shoe boutique! There are so many reasons for joy in the world!.. We need to leave the digital (conceptual “what is good and what is bad”) channel of perception into a harmonious defocus - visual, auditory, kinesthetic...

4. Try keeping a diary of feelings.

Honestly. You can still deceive yourself. But God...

Verbalization will give you a different perspective on events. Write for yourself!

5. Remember, the key to happiness is within you.

I often tell my clients: – Tibet is in you.

Tibet is my personal metaphor for peace, happiness and harmony.

And now I will tell you a parable.

One evening, Rabia - and she was a famous Sufi mystic - was looking for something on the street outside her small hut. The sun was setting. People gathered. People asked her:

- What are you doing? What are searching for?

“I lost my needle,” she said.

“The sun is already setting,” the people said, “and it will be difficult to find the needle, but we will help you.” Where exactly did she fall? After all, the road is long, but the needle is so small. If we know the exact location, it will be easier to find her.

“It would be better for you not to ask this question,” said Rabia, “because in fact she did not fall on the road, she fell in the house.”

People started laughing and they said:

– We always knew that you were a little crazy! If a needle fell in the house, why are you looking for it on the road?

“For a simple and logical reason,” said Rabia. “It’s dark in the hut, but there’s still a little light outside.”

People laughed and began to disperse. Rabia called them back and said:

- Listen! That's what you do; I'm just following your example. You go looking for bliss in the outside world without asking the first and most important question: where did you lose it? And so I tell you: you have lost it inside. You are looking for it outside for the simple reason that your senses are outward - and there is some light there. Your eyes are looking outwards and your hands are reaching outwards - that is the reason why you are looking outwards. And I’ll tell you that you lost your bliss in the wrong place. I judge from my own experience. I was also looking outside, and one day I looked inside and was surprised. There was no need to explore, it was always inside.

We did a great job! Now, according to the good Russian tradition, I suggest you relax. I suggest pouring it. Gentlemen, see if the ladies' glasses are full. I have toast! Let's drink to ensure that everything about us is positive - our reputation, our bank balance, our emotions, our soul, our thoughts. And only Wasserman’s reaction would be negative.

1. K – Rating: evaluate the topic of conversation in terms of the purpose of the discussion.

2. P – Return: return to the main topic.

3. D – Recess: go deeper into the main topic so that it becomes the main topic of discussion again.

Example

K – Rating:“Please do not move on to unrelated topics. Let’s stay on track with the main topic of our discussion and not deviate from it.”

P – Return:“Our topic today is the logistics of product XYZ in your enterprise.”

D – Recess:“I just wanted to draw your attention to the negative impact on our production cycles. So how can we ensure flawless logistics within a reasonable timeframe? One way is that..."

An alternative option, relevant in case of personal attacks:

K (in the imperative mood):“There is no point in starting a controversy. Please stick to the main topic."

P:“Our topic today is the logistics of product XYZ in the enterprise.”

D:“I have already noted those factors that had a negative impact on our production cycles. So how can we ensure flawless logistics within a reasonable timeframe? One way is..."

Advice: In a roundtable meeting or discussion, use the CAP technique along with eye contact.

To / Eye contact with the addressee

You say, “Don’t start a debate, please stick to the main topic.”

P/Change eye contact

Looking at the other person, you say: “Our topic today is the logistics of product XYZ in the enterprise.”

D / The second interlocutor becomes the addressee

You say: “I have already pointed out those factors that had a negative impact on our production cycles. So how can we ensure flawless logistics within a reasonable timeframe? One way is..."

This is the only way to ensure that the first recipient is excluded from the conversation. Eye contact means: does anyone have any objections?! You don't want to return to an unrelated topic anyway.

The advantages of the “efficiency rule” are obvious:

You consistently take a leadership position in the conversation;

You don't allow others to stray from the topic of conversation;

You actively exclude extraneous topics from the conversation and do not go into discussion of the mood of those present;

You are unshakable in your position and strictly adhere to the main topic;

You stop squabbles and witticisms about the competence of those present;

All your maneuvers do not go beyond the bounds of politeness and common sense;

You quickly and persistently stop insensitive behavior of participants;

At the same time, you not only answer questions, but also focus the audience’s attention on clear formulations;

You answer only those questions that help further the discussion, giving them credit accordingly.

Remember that every answer justifies the question asked!

Please adhere to the following principles:

Formulate positive statements.

Wrong:“Mental mood is not the topic of today’s meeting!”

Right:“Our topic today is logistics. Please explain your position on this issue!”

Emphasize what is said with a clear assessment.

Wrong:“This way we would achieve our goal faster.”

Right:“This is the only way we can quickly achieve the goal of our conversation!”

Place negative wording at the beginning of the phrase, and positive wording at the end.

Wrong:“Now it’s about the enterprise as a whole, not your specific area.”

Right:“Now it’s not about your specific area, but about the enterprise as a whole.”

Formulate your statements briefly and clearly.

Wrong:“Well, it so happened that we have already tried many times to move on to discussing this topic. Of course, under certain circumstances..."

Right:“Let's get back to the topic. We all share the opinion that..."

Avoid any comparisons, limitations, declaring yourself intellectually bankrupt and showing signs of communicative incompetence.

Wrong:“Perhaps it’s time to discuss this, although probably – and I’m in favor anyway – but it has its downsides...”

Right:“Let's return to the proposed solutions to the problem. The first decision..."

In a conversation/discussion, do not use questions, but direct appeals in the imperative mood.

Wrong:“Could we return to our main topic of logistics?”

Right:“Mr. Mayer, please tell us more about your solution to the problem!”

Avoid repeating other people's negative statements: this reinforces misconceptions and lays the foundation for reproaches against you.

Wrong:“Bad image? Who told you that we have a bad image?”

Right:“No, we have a good image in the eyes of the public!”

Typical and Possible Examples of "K"s/Grades

The question was posed in a different context;

This is not the main topic;

This is our main question;

That's not what we're talking about now;

This is your personal opinion;

You are generalizing;

Our clients ask about something else;

This is another aspect;

True False;

This is speculation;

That's what you think;

You used incorrect information;

This is a wrong impression.

If there are negative statements addressed to you or your company regarding its image, competence, education or experience, prohibit yourself from asking counter questions. After all, rhetorically savvy opponents can open real “lethal fire” in response to such questions.

An example of a failed counter question

Attack: “You have a bad image in the company!”

Unsuccessful counter question: “Why did you decide that?”

Possible answer:

1. All employees speak poorly of you.

2. No one expects you to successfully complete an important project.

3. You just failed a major project.

If you are still interested in developing the topic, I advise you to ask only evaluative questions: “How did you come to this erroneous opinion?

This is the only way to be sure that everything your opponent says will be lost in the eyes of those present and they will trust yours assessment.

In general, “Evaluation” and “Return” are often contrasted with each other in objection responses.

Counts:

The stronger the reproach, the more persistent the objection.

This contrast is especially noticeable in the contrasts:

A few examples of well-aimed answers, intentionally worded broadly and thus positively:

“Have you ever taken a seminar on rhetoric?”

Incorrect unswer:"Yes!"

Possible reaction of the enemy: “Why is it invisible then?”

Correct answer.

rule of three "T" according to Michel Auden
Three T:
"Silence"
"Warm"
"Darkness"
During childbirth, the hormone oxytocin plays a key role. And it is produced with the help of the neocortex, this is the cerebral cortex, and as soon as it reacts to bright light, noise, questions, or tries to save a woman in labor from the cold, the production of oxytocin immediately suffers.
for better dilation of the cervix, it is enough to follow the rule of three Ts) and, of course, relax and open up to contractions. By clenching and screaming, we only prolong the labor. I hope that all this will be useful to me, and I won’t lose my head like everyone writes about it!

Comments

If it works out in between, you need to switch off. Just go into hibernation :) I don’t know how anyone can do it, but it helped me a lot. I have heard and read enough that you need to walk and move. As a result, I suffered for 4.5 hours, walked, squatted, did all sorts of exercises, and the gynecologist came and said that the dilation was only 2 cm. I despaired and just collapsed on the bed. She lay there, breathed, turned off her brain during breaks and fell asleep, as a result, in 3 hours the uterus opened completely and gave birth :)

- @juliakm cool) thank you for sharing your experience, I also read that all the strength goes into contractions, but there is no strength for pushing

- @asselka909, please :)

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